Relationship Status

I began this blog years ago as a single man, traversing the world in aimless bachelorhood, blown about by my many whims. In the time that has elapsed since then, I met, dated, proposed to, and married a truly phenomenal woman. Forgive me for the delayed timing in disclosing this important part of my life. She gave me her approval to write about this quite some time ago, but I hemmed and hawed, waiting to find the right angle. But there are some important messages in this story, so I’m just going to go for it.

It’s funny how entering into a relationship brings sharp focus to all the things about yourself you wish were different. You want to give your counterpart the most perfect companion they deserve, which is always going to be someone better than you. So, from the beginning, my strange diaper issue was lying in wait to be the undoing of this wonderful blessing in my life. But because I cared about her, I knew she also deserved to understand the whole package she was committing to before it was too embarrassing and painful to end it.

I was surprised how quickly she gained my trust. I witnessed the fruits of her compassionate, judgment-free and supportive nature over and over again. It was only a month into our relationship when, while talking privately on a park bench, I was ready to tell her. She could feel my heart pounding, which probably put more emphasis on the subject than was necessary. But I laid it all out. I explained it in much the same way I have on this blog. I tried not to overwhelm her, and I kept it simple. But I told her a more complete story than any person I’d opened up to before. I wanted there to be no surprises for her.

I’d ultimately expected it to turn out well, based on what I knew about her. Though I imagined it would take some time — that there might be some initial horror or disgust in her reaction. But there was none. I just saw the same support and compassion I’d watched her give before. With an “Oh, is that all?” tone in her voice, she insisted that it was a “non-issue” for her. That’s a word she’s used to describe it many times since: a “non-issue.” It’s humbling to expect disgust and receive only compassion and charity.

Recently, we reflected on that day. She said that rather than pushing us apart, that moment pulled us closer together. In her eyes, it was a demonstration of my love and trust. What has seemed like the largest, most daunting challenge of my life, to her in many ways was a relief. Because my focus was trained so firmly on this issue, she feels it has saved me from many far worse troubles. What perspective! What sweet words to hear!

We’re now married. We talk about it from time to time. But it’s a “non-issue” in our marriage. I’ve stayed with my regular pattern of wearing a diaper once or twice a week on my own time, and it’s a fairly benign thing nowadays.

Most of all, I think this message needs to come through loud and clear: diapers or not, YOU are LOVABLE. And whether or not you’ve found them yet, compassionate, loving people (much like my wife) are as real and as vital and as present as the air you breathe.

June 25, 2018June 25, 2018 by recoveringdl Categories: Uncategorized 7 Comments