There are plenty of very good reasons to share your affinity for diapers with someone close to you. You may desire the therapeutic benefits of having a confidant with whom you can speak freely. Or, because of our current more restricted ways of life, you may be living in close quarters with less privacy than you’re used to. Or, you may be on the cusp of deeper commitment with your significant other. Whatever the reason, it’s important to approach that conversation with thoughtful preparation.
Lessons extracted from my own experiences, and those of other DLs who’ve made similar revelations to their loved ones have informed these thoughts. This is the best general advice I have to offer. But your own circumstances may make it more or less relevant, and should always be taken alongside your own feelings and prayers before beginning an important conversation.
Important private details of your life shouldn’t be shared willy-nilly without good cause. There are good reasons and bad reasons. If you’re seeking some exhibitionist thrill, deriving pleasure from your embarrassment, it’s probably driven of selfishness and can even be dangerous. Equally predatory is a desire to fish out someone else’s secrets by laying bare some of your own. Don’t leverage your own private matters in search of power or gossip.
But there are good reasons to do this too. I am an advocate for having someone in your life you can be honest with — a trustworthy person who is willing to shoulder the burden with you and never use it against you. To say the words aloud to another human being is alleviating and powerful like little else. It’s instantly helpful.
Another good reason is to spare someone the shock and embarrassment in a situation where they are likely to find out regardless. You may be living with less privacy recently under stay-at-home orders due to COVID-19. Or you may share an apartment with someone under other circumstances, and if you’re worried or unable to either go without or keep it secret, that may justify a route from the honesty playbook.
Another righteous motivation to spill the beans is an unwillingness to keep secrets from your significant other. Out of respect for them, and reverence for the relationship itself, it’s wise to clear the hurdles early — because they’ll be unearthed later, and that only leads to a sense of betrayal. Even if you feel you’ve got it under control, it is not admitting defeat to take them through your journey and describe where you’re at now. It will prepare them to better handle revelations in the future. And you may find that demonstrating trust in them by showing some vulnerability serves to strengthen your relationship rather than weakening it.
The language you use, and the background you provide can tee them up for a more sympathetic response. People tend to find selfishness distasteful, but respond sympathetically to struggle. Rather than an angle like, “Well, I like it and I don’t care how it affects anyone else. It makes me feel good!” You might be better off telling your story from the beginning. Speak of how confused and marginalized you felt as you discovered this urge to wear diapers. Where do you think it came from? What different approaches have you taken? Where are you at now? Taking them through the journey from the beginning will help them understand how you’ve arrived at your conclusions, and made your decisions.
The short version of my story would go something like this: I had bed wetting problems until I was in the third grade. I think as a result, my body developed a kind of attachment to the feeling of wearing a diaper. A short time later I noticed that I wanted to wear them again. I would sneak and experiment with them a little in my early teens. I felt like such a freak and knew I had to be the only one that felt that way, until I discovered that other people online had very similar experiences. I was actually largely unbothered by it on my mission and thought I’d been cured! But then the routines of daily life afterward brought me back down to earth and the interest returned. Eventually, with no real access to diapers, the mere mention of the word on TV or in jokes from classmates would send me spiraling. I met with many counselors over the years. Once I found one who finally understood what I was going through, we decided that the healthiest path forward was for me to keep some on hand, and make limited use of them. So, once or twice a week I wear one, and it has really proven effective in stabilizing me in all kinds of ways.
One mistake I’ve seen some diaper lovers make, is drawing the exposé out across several sessions. It’s a scary and embarrassing subject to talk about. And while a gradual, spread-out approach to the news may feel more manageable, it’s worse in the long run. First, you’re repeatedly putting you both through the stress of having to prepare for and initiate awkward conversations. But most importantly, you’re setting your loved one up to constantly wonder whether there are more surprises coming. If over an extended period of time, you occasionally throw out another little tidbit, they have no sense of completion. They don’t know where the story ends.
But, if in the same setting you can lay it all on the table at once, and then declare, “and now you know everything!” You can both rest assured that there will be no unwelcome discoveries later, and you’ve eliminated the tension. If you aren’t able to make it through the whole story initially, you should at least drop a little teaser like, “There’s a bit more to the story, so we should chat about it again soon.”
In our very first conversation on the subject before we were married, I told my wife that I occasionally wear diapers, that I also use them when I do, and that I liked ones with fun prints. Then as soon as we were married and living together, I showed her where I kept them and what they looked like so she never stumbled upon them by accident. My philosophy is to always stay ahead of the surprises. So I’m usually pretty fast and straightforward about any updates. Additionally, you’ll want to include details about any accessories, clothing, or activities you may enjoy alongside your diapers.
With these foundational principles and a little rehearsal, I hope your conversations run smoothly and are mutually compassionate. If you have any additional tips or experiences of your own about sharing with loved ones, please comment below. We need to learn from each other’s experiences.